Life is too full of misunderstandings and we could never bank on the hope of clearing them up through talking.  Some things just cannot be explained anymore.  So we must live as we want and always follow our gut instinct.  It's not to say to ignore what your friends tell you but to filter out the noise with what your instinct believes in.  Following other people's values or worrying about how your values will be judged will only make you unhappy. 
The people who care don't matter,
and the people who matter don't care.
It's been truly so hard to grasp this concept, and it will continue to be.  However, worrying about what other people think has truly turned me into a person I am ashamed of.  Life is too full of misunderstandings.  Think of most of what people say as bullshit.  Truth is relative.  If you doubt yourself, you doubt your whole reality, and everything just falls apart from there.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Jd9dfn0Fgc

I watched the proverbial sunrise
Coming up over the Pacific
And you might think I'm losing my mind
But I will shy away from the specifics

Cause I don't want you to know where I am
Cause then you'll see my heart
In the saddest state it's ever been
This is no place to try and live my life

Stop right there!
That's exactly where I lost it
See that line?
Well, I never should've crossed it
Stop right there!
Well, I never should've said that
It's the very moment that I wish that I could take back

I'm sorry for the person I became
I'm sorry that it took so long for me to change
I'm ready to be sure I never become that way again
Cause who I am hates who I've been
Who I am hates who I've been

I talked to absolutely no one
Couldn't keep to myself enough
And the things bottled inside
Had finally begun to create so much pressure
That I'd soon blow up
And I heard the reverberating footsteps
Syncing up to the beating of my heart
And I was positive that unless
I got myself together
I would watch me fall apart
And I can't let that happen again
Cause then you'll see my heart
In the saddest day it's ever been
This is no place to try and live my life
Stop right there
That's exactly where I lost it
See that line?
I never should've crossed it
Stop right there
I never should've said that
It's the very moment that I wish that I could take back

Stop right there!
That's exactly where I lost it
See that line?
Well, I never should've crossed it
Stop right there!
Well, I never should've said that
It's the very moment that I wish that I could take back

I'm sorry for (Sorry for) the person I became
I'm sorry that (Sorry that) it took so long for me to change
I'm ready to (Ready to) be sure I never become that way again
Cause who I am hates who I've been
Who I am hates who I've been

Who I am hates who I've been
And who I am will take the second chance You gave me
Who I am hates who I've been
Cause who I've been only ever made me

So sorry for (Sorry for) the person I became
So sorry that (Sorry that) it took so long for me to change
I'm ready to (Ready to) be sure I never become that way again
Cause who I am hates who I've been
Who I am hates who I've been

maybe i need to stop worrying about change.

maybe i need to stop worrying about changing myself.

maybe i need to stop worrying about changing him.

can we accept each other for who we are?

who are we?

am i feeling as miserable as i do bc i am not letting go?

i don't think i'm letting go.  i'm holding onto the fact that he still kind of likes me.  but i need to accept that he's not doing anything about it and wants to let it jsut sit there.  possibly to let it die away.  maybe this relationship did make him absolutely unhappy. maybe he actually doesn't want it anymore.  maybe he's going through the same thing i'm going through and having a hard time letting it go bc he still cares but really he was unhappy.  maybe i'm so unhappy right now bc i'm holding on, holding on to the past.  i should accept that the past is the past and no longer present.  living in the past has always been my problem, whether it was living in a horrible past or living in a wonderful past.  i need to accept that it's passed.  move on..

move on, vik...

move on...

there's no point in you holding on, if he's wanting to let it go...

*edit*

he got offered an internship to Intel??
it's funny how these things turn out, but it's all still ridiculous.

*end edit*

http://www.fortbendnow.com/news/2847/chinese-community-rallies-behind-student-removed-from-clements-over-pc-game-map

seriously...are we paying for these people to "work for us" with our taxes?

what a waste of money.

i like how after the Virginia Tech shooting happened one of the first things people notice is that it was committed by an asian boy.  what if it was a white boy? i bet if it was a white boy, we wouldn't be going around seeing everything a white boy does is suspicious.

the kid just made a map.  he didn't label any teachers or students' names.  does this mean that the next time you decide to play counter-strike from the terrorist side you should be concerned about getting arrested when it's just a pure play against your friends game? you could see counter-strike as a game that trains you to shoot people.  the next thing you know, games like counter-strike are going to be banned and we are all going to be playing Hello Kitty's Fun House.  i'm afraid of selling my brother's bb gun on facebook because i'm afraid people will think i'm another virginia tech waiting to happen, which makes me think is it dangerous for my brother to even own a bb gun because it could be used for training for another virginia tech?

if the district were to punish the student for creating this map, i think there could have been better punishments rather than arresting him, removing him from Clements, sending him to BLC, and then not allowing him to walk the stage. like seriously? who died and made a law that says you cannot make a map of your school in a shooting game or you will go to jail?  i can understand if they want him to realize the consequences of his actions but seriously, what they are doing is ruining this student's life.  what decent college will accept him now just because our school district decided that making a map is punishable by going to jail, expulsion, and not walking the stage at graduation? 

does america not see that by doing things like automatically arresting kids accused of being terrorists we are only making it worse for ourselves? we are basically saying "keep it to yourself." isn't that exactly why we think the incidences like columbine and virginia tech happened - because they were committed by loners? yet, we are not making an effort to try to communicate and counsel our students but rather we are telling them to bottle it up even more until they explode one day in rage at school. 

and to the Asian community.  stand up for yourselves.  last time, when the Chinese community was suppose to rally together in support of this student, it was done indoors.  what the heck?  it is unfair that our parents are now telling us to be careful of our actions because we are under racial profiling now.  why should we have to? why should we not have the freedom to be ourselves? why should we not have the freedom to speak out? why should we have to sacrifice our freedoms?  the asian community does not really have a right to complain about discrimination if they have this kind of attitude towards it.  you may think you're preventing it, but actually you're promoting it because you're not stopping them.